50 Shades of a New Kind of Fairytale

I attended a screening of Fifty Shades of Grey prior to its cinema release on Valentine’s Day. I was struck by the idea that sex practices come in and out of vogue just like hemlines. Our kink also says something about the time we are living in.

The Greeks celebrated homosexuality; the Roman’s had their orgies, the high courts of Europe, their own parlor games and perversions. We have a rainbow spectrum of BDSM.

When I had first encountered the manuscript online I didn’t think much of it, but was interested to see a grass roots sharing and exploring of this fantasy amongst soccer moms across the country. The excuse of naughty pop culture was a perfect vehicle to ignite conversations with our intimate partners about exploring what buttons to press, the hotness of the topic making the conversation more accessible.

As reported on Good Morning America, after 50 Shades of Grey was published, sex toys sold more and sex related injuries went up. 58% of the injured were men. 44 average age of men, 30 average age of women and the oldest injured was an 85 year old man.

I was curious to see what Hollywood would do with it.

50 Shades of Grey surprised me. I thought it would be trite, yet the film made an honest effort to explain a few themes that echo through the BDSM world. I wonder what the studios would do with The Beauty Trilogy written by Ann Rice. Perhaps this movie is a reflection of our times, a network of women passed around the conversation and controversy through the Internet and gave birth to a new fairy tale. Interesting that in France one must only be twelve years old to gain admission to this this film. Here the iconic dark, brooding prince who is a beast behind the closed doors of his dungeon is not the villain, but our hero.

Enter Christian Grey, Prince Charming for a new generation. He too is a man of his time. Telecom suit. Smart men are the new masters of the universe. Strong, generous, and responsible. Here we are, post feminism, in our equalized world, fantasizing about being kept like an exotic, obedient pet.

The film didn’t go all out with whips and chains and skip over the emotional game that is going on between the power play.

The trust required to play S&M games is part of the release for people. It’s like a mental vacation that says, “I’ll be your play thing and you’ll take care of me and be responsible for both of us so I can just relax.”

Shortly after Grey reveals his playroom and his true nature, Anastasia asked, “Why would I want to do these things?” His answer, “To please me.”

When Steele asked “What do I get out of it? Christian replies, “You get me, and I will be completely devoted to you.”

Seams pretty simple right? Everyone’s wants, needs and limits, delineated in “The Contract”. This requires a conversation about personal preferences, boundaries, expectations and compromises. Actually a pretty good practice for any kind of relationship.